February 2016 - Dwelling Spaces

Monday 29 February 2016

Leap

It's quite nice having a bonus day in the year. I managed to squeeze quite a lot into my 29th February which made me feel even more productive! Reflecting on leap year made me think of three things. First it seems like a gift, sneaking into the year and suddenly presenting you with a bit more time. In life, particularly when things are busy, the arrival of more time gives a bit of breathing space, and is a good reminder of the need to build capacity into life and make time for walks or days off, whatever gives time to pause.

The second thing was that leap years keep time on track. The movements of the world and universe around us, surprisingly don't conform to the ordered pattern of calendar time that we have created for ourselves, so every now and again we get leap seconds, or leap years to reset the way we measure time with the way the world works. I quite like that we can't contain time and creation that easily, it is a good reminder we are only human after all! My last thought was related to this, that even though the leap year is bringing order, it always feels to me a bit like it is bringing disorder. My brain is wired with what feels like a running calendar, and one fixed point is that dates in February and March fall on the same days of the week normally. That doesn't happen in a leap year and so feels a bit disorienting when I run through my mental calendar. That is a good reminder that there is a fine line between order and chaos, and that solutions that seem to bring things nicely into order can sometimes have unforeseen effects! So...always be prepared for the unexpected!

Sunday 28 February 2016

Memory

Communion captivates me. How does a simple act of sharing bread and wine become a tradition that stretches across 2000 years and to the end of the world? In 100 generations and in 200 countries or more, a meal I share now has given life and meaning to those who have become my brothers and sisters in part through this meal we share. The traditions are varied, the meanings attached to it rich and deep, but at the heart is memory, remembrance. 

Why was it that Jesus didn't spend His life writing a book? Distilling the wisdom of God through a human mind, the actual words of God. Plenty of people were writing things down then. So why did He just leave us with a verbal record repeated on the tongues of those who journeyed with Him, and this action of breaking bread and drinking wine? Maybe it's because we are not meant to follow a set of rules, but are meant to be in relationship. Figuring out our faithful following of Jesus together. Seeing what it means to be part of His story today, but in a way that remembers who is at the centre. 'This bread is my body, this wine is my blood' are words that place us into the presence of Jesus, at dinner with His friends. Both a memory and the now, a constant thread through the fabric of time and space.

Saturday 27 February 2016

Certainty


Humans seem to be hard-wired to want things to be certain. When I was thinking about becoming a Christian 16 years ago, the thing I most wanted (as a scientist) was proof that God existed. To be honest, at times not much has changed! There are times when we desparately want God to prove that God is there, by healing our friend or stopping a war, or making it sunny for our party! It feels hard to live without that certainty. 

But the point is the God is not some truth that we can possess. We are designed and created to be in relationship with God, and relationship (this side of heaven) simply does involve a degree of not knowing (1 Corinthians 13.12). To become more certain about a matter of faith we have to try trusting that it is true. Having been on that journey for 16 years I am more certain now than I have ever been that God is who the Bible says God is. In fact, more loving, gracious, faithful, merciful and forgiving than I could imagine. And because God knows me inside out (and often better than I think I know myself), I don't have to try and keep my bad bits covered like I do in most other relationships. I know God loves me and wants me to change to live in a healthier, more fruitful and life-giving way. And that's a good thing to become more certain about!

Friday 26 February 2016

Promise

This time of year, when the sun is shining, the sky is blue, buds are opening and bulbs bursting forth, seems full of promise. I love spotting the signs of life, hints of blossom and flower, sudden flashes of colour, and the slow stretching into warmer days. There is something about the promise of what the future holds that gives us hope even though we don't yet see the reality but see with eyes of faith.

This is the Christian life. Hebrews 11.1 says: 'Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.' At the moment, I see myself and those around me often thinking and behaving far from perfectly, but then I see glimpses of kindness, of unselfish love, of stepping aside to help, of prayer from the heart. We live in a world corrupted by sin, but within it there are glimpses of hope for what a world of love, peace, mercy and joy could look like. This is the future God promises when all things are set in their rightful place, reconciled and participating in divine life. Christians who have caught sight of this promise of and in Jesus, can and should be pointers to this. Signposts along the way of life to the promise of the future. 

Thursday 25 February 2016

Slippers

I love wearing slippers! They keep my feet so cosy and they make me feel relaxed. Most of my friends tease me because if possible I like to take my slippers round to their houses when I go round for a cuppa or a meal. Surprisingly (to me at least!) this is considered unusual behaviour. But I think it is time for a change!

One reason (apart from cosy feet) that I do it is that I like to feel at home wherever I am, and with friends this just feels like a natural extension of how I feel about them. I want to say - I feel at home with you, thanks for making me welcome in your space. I'd love for people to bring their slippers when they come round to my house too, so maybe the campaign starts here ;-) 

Wednesday 24 February 2016

Beacon


I couldn't help but notice the spire of St Mary's in the bright sunshine as I took my regular morning walk. Seeing it shining like a beacon at the end of the road reminded me of Matthew 5.14: "You are the light of the world - like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden". A beacon is a fire or light set up high as a warning, signal or celebration. I wonder whether our parish churches with their often prominent positions at the heart of communities are still doing those things?

Warning beacons keep people away from danger. In many ways Christianity does contain warnings about the results of a sinful life. Unfortunately this has led to Christians (often quite rightly) getting a reputation for laying down the law and being judgemental. We've forgotten that God's judgement is intimately connected to God's mercy and love, and that warning is meant to help us live more fruitful lives fulfilling God's purpose in creating us in the first place!

Signal beacons point to something that's happening. Our church communities are there to point and witness to the active work of God in a people and a place. And this should often be a cause for celebration, whenever love overcomes hate, peace overcomes fear, hope overcomes despair, justice disperses oppression; these are signs of God at work and things to be celebrated.




Tuesday 23 February 2016

Kneeling



I have been thinking a lot about kneeling lately. It is something that is increasingly uncommon in the Christian circles I move in, and I've been wondering why? Kneeling down in prayer or worship is the response that we should make when we think about, and focus on, who God is and who we are in relation to God. It is right to be humble before our Creator who holds all authority. And I think it is not just right but necessary for us to kneel in prayer and worship because it helps to deal with our pride and our constant desire to be self-centred rather than God-centred.


Jesus humbled Himself and was willing to even suffer and die so that we might be lifted back up from the depths of our sin and restored to be who we were created to be. It is an extraordinary gift, and the response of a repentant and grateful heart, exalts Jesus to His rightful place. The circle of gift and response continues as we become more secure in who we are, then we can properly serve others and lift them up. Such service doesn't come from low self-esteem, or a sense of worthlessness, but of wanting to offer what we have to others, because we recognise the value in ourselves. From my experience it is easier to do this from a purer motive after I have been kneeling in prayer and worship before my Lord.


So this thought is a reminder to me to keep working on my posture! 




Friday 19 February 2016

Fortress

Today Grandma and I went to Leeds Castle. For nearly 900 years there has been some sort of fortress or castle on the ground, for much of that time surrounded by a river or moat. Getting a wheelchair in over the cobblestones was not the most straightforward access, but somewhat easier than having to swim the moat whilst being shot at! You feel very secure in a place like that, thick walls bedded down into the moat, huge solid wooden doors and a sense of being surrounded and protected.


Proverbs 18.10 says: "The name of the LORD is a fortified tower; the righteous run to it and are safe." It seems a strange thing to say that a name can be a place of safety, but the name of the LORD, the name of YHWH, is a way of describing all the attributes of God. So it is a way of saying that this is who God is and because God is totally faithful, just, true, loving, merciful, powerful etc etc then being with God is a totally safe place. It doesn't mean that bad things won't happen but there is an ultimate sense of security of dwelling with the one who knows the end from the beginning.

Thursday 18 February 2016

Grandma

I'm spending a few days with my Grandma at the moment, at the grand age of 95 she seems to have grasped the concept of 'selfie' rather well! It's lovely spending time together and enjoying each others company. When I talk to her about her life, it is always staggering to think about the changes that she has seen over her lifetime. Born in 1920, with very fixed expectations of what life would be like, things got turned upside-down with WWII and the extraordinary technical developments since then. I wonder whether another generation will ever see as much change as hers has?


She is very proud of me, and I of her. All the opportunities I have had to be well educated, independent as a single woman, to have a career and to travel were just not available to her. Leaving school at 14 with an education suited to domestic service and housekeeping, nevertheless she has worked extremely hard, loved and cared for so many, and continues to have a most wonderful contentment even in the midst of living with a body that will no longer do what her mind wants it to. She has adapted to all sorts of changes, and has a remarkable memory for the details of life. She is truly an inspirational woman and I feel very fortunate to have got to know her and spend so much time with her as an adult. Love you Grandma!

Wednesday 17 February 2016

London

I love London! Having grown up and easy train ride away, it was wonderful as a child to go up to London and have allsorts of adventures and visit interesting places. I then worked there at three different times with different jobs and lived there for a couple of years, but it has never lost that sense of being a special place. I was thinking about that tonight as I popped up there for the evening, seeing the 'sights' still feels exciting.


There are several places that I have gone back to regularly over a long period of time, and they become memory stores, and markers on the journey of life. In 1Samuel 7.12, Samuel sets up a stone to mark the way that God had helped Israel. The Ebenezer - stone of help, or stone of the helper - was placed to act as a memory jogger for Israel about who God is and how God had helped them. It is good to have those memorials in our lives, to remember the times when God has helped us, and to revisit them and remember God's faithfulness. It is also a marker - this is how far we have come, and it also points to hope for the journey ahead.

Tuesday 16 February 2016

Clothes



Now anyone who knows me knows that I don't really do clothes shopping. Clothes are pretty much just functional things for me - buy them, wear them until they fall apart then buy something similar to replace them. And I strongly suspect that I have never been overcome enough by an item of clothing or even shoes to the point that I must have it in my wardrobe. (The possible exception is a cowboy shirt I had as a little girl which still holds a special place in my heart...) As a result my imminent ordination and resulting necessity to buy new clothes - the 'uniform' for my new job if you like - has not been filling me with joy!


Today was the first day that the clergy clothes people have come to college this year. For the last two years I have happily walked on by, but today it was 'trying on' day. It is a slightly odd experience seeing yourself in a dog collar for the first time. Interestingly it didn't provoke such a strong reaction in me as the first time I put a cassock on in my first year and had a bit of an identity crisis. This time it felt more normal which is a good thing. I am sure no-one ever feels ready to be ordained but I've done enough of the things I will be doing that I can imagine myself in the role a bit more clearly now. Nevertheless it is strange seeing yourself dressed as a priest. I guess in a way you dress for the role, much as you feel more professional in a suit than in sports clothes, and so the clothes are a way of occupying that space. That probably means that I need to pay a bit more attention to clothes in the next little while - may be no bad thing!











Monday 15 February 2016

Sunlight

It's lovely now that the sun is up around the time I'm waking up, feels easier to get up and I've been enjoying the sun on my morning walk. This was my view this morning as I headed up the hill, glorious with the sun bursting through the trees.

I'm glad to be in the habit of a walk in the morning before chapel. I had had many years of walking to work before I came to college and really valued that time to walk and pray. I think I'm definitely an active pray-er, it always seems easier to chatter to God walking along than sitting down when my thoughts seem to drift off more easily. Living in college, it's a real discipline to get out for a walk each day, and if I don't do it, several days without going off campus can quickly pass by. So I'm thankful for the sunshine in the mornings giving an added incentive to get going, and looking forward to 4 months of lengthening days. 



Sunday 14 February 2016

Love

Well...surely you have to write about love on Valentine's Day?! 

This morning in church I did a little sketch about love, sitting sadly in my chair because I hadn't got a Valentine's card which surely meant no-one loved me. The kids gathered round, eager to put their hands up and tell me all the other ways I could know I was loved. It was quite sweet :-) 

Popping into Tesco's on the way home there was a brisk parade of flower buying and in the car park a fair amount of last minute card writing happening! It got me thinking that it is rather a long time since I wrote or received a Valentines card, so much so that it's kind of gone off my radar as something people do, and maybe that's not a good thing. There are quite a few people in my life that I love and I'm not always that good at telling them so, perhaps it's time to get better at it!

Love, as the kids reminded me, is a lot about the things we do for each other, but it is good to put words to our deeds too. 

Saturday 13 February 2016

Frustration


One of the joys of living in college is engaging with the network printer... I've spent many (not-so-happy) hours over the last three years walking down the corridor from my room to the printer only to find nothing has printed or the paper has jammed or...well you can guess all the possible outcomes! Tonight has seen a 45 minute attempt to print the service for tomorrow morning, an exercise of patience and not a little frustration.

Frustration is an interesting emotion, perhaps it is a good one because at least there was hope in the beginning that all would go smoothly. I wonder if you live without hope whether you do get frustrated or whether you just have no expectation that things will go well for you?

The psalms are a good place for learning how all sorts of different emotions can be expressed to God within an attitude of worship. Psalm 10 starts with questions: Why, O Lord, do you stand far away? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble? There is never an easy answer to the supposed absence of God when things go wrong, but the psalmist ends by saying "O Lord, you hear the desire of the afflicted; you will strengthen their heart." This is what gives hope - there is one who hears and gives strength to those who call on Him.

And I did get my print in the end too!

Friday 12 February 2016

Gratitude


It was interesting over Christmas listening to the debate about whether a forced thank-you letter is better or worse than an impromptu thank-you text. Much as I love to receive and send cards and letters, there is something powerful about genuine gratitude. 

In Luke 6.45, Jesus is in the middle of saying some pretty amazing things when he says: "Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks". Sometimes it's hard to be thankful, other times it's easy, but I know if I keep noticing the little things I'm grateful for then they get stored up and it's words of gratitude that I hear myself speak. 

I've so much to be thankful for I don't ever want to take that for granted.

Thursday 11 February 2016

Perspective




One thing I like about living in Cheltenham is that it doesn't take long to get up high on the hills surrounding the town. It was such a glorious day today that I took a short walk up the hill from my house, and this was my view 15 minutes later. A much needed change of view from all my studying!


Changing our perspective is a healthy thing to do especially if we are feeling stuck in a rut, or if life is not going the way we hoped. The landscape looks different as you get higher. The houses that seemed so big shrink down, the sky gets bigger, and landmarks begin to stand out. You get a better sense of how things fit together and where each should be.


When God calls us to come up higher, we shift out of our point-of-view into God's perspective. This is a place where self-righteousness fades away and we can see our own actions for what they really are. The great news is that with God there is always mercy. The call to come up higher shows us where we fit into God's big picture, chosen and important but not Lord over all we survey!


Wednesday 10 February 2016

Dwelling




I thought that during Lent I would try and write a short blog with a photo from that day each day, so here goes...


At the moment I am looking to buy a new house. It is strange the emotions that it stirs up as you think about leaving an old way of life behind and try and imagine what your new life will look like in different houses.

Dwelling is a funny word, it is where you live, where you have your home, where you are settled; but it is also something you do, you mull over, think about, linger on.


I read Psalm 27 this morning. Verse 4 says:


One thing have I asked of the LORD,
that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to meditate in his temple.

A new house means a new dwelling place with God, to make my home with Him afresh, to dwell on what it means to be in His presence. Somehow that makes the process seem a little less daunting.