Bad habits, holy orders

I wonder if you watched the recent Channel 5 series: Bad Habits, Holy Orders? For 4 weeks it followed a group of 5 young women as they went from 'selfie' driven lives that for most included hard partying, regular one night stands, and high-spend shopping, to life in a convent with a group of nuns. In some ways the story followed an expected trajectory, shock at being separated from phones and makeup, and adapting to living simple lives of prayer and practical work with very little spending money. Then rebellion and handling the motivations behind that, all of which resulted in quite a moving growing relationship between the women and the nuns.  However it was the third episode that struck me at quite a profound level.

The nuns sent the women off on 'mission' to other convents where they were to help out with work amongst elderly people and homeless people.  For most of the women it was the first time they had spoken to people who lived such different lives to them. And quite a beautiful thing happened. Each young woman, in her own way, began to find herself. And for some it was quite a dramatic transformation.  And it helped me realise this....the culture that we find ourselves in is one that wants to consume us. Our image is graded by the level of positive response it receives, our value is determined by the amount of money we can spend, our personal attractiveness is based on swipes to the right or number of sexual partners. For the young women on the programme the gap between the person that was being consumed and who they actually were had almost become unbridgeable. These women were giving what they felt the world wanted to consume, but the bridge back to finding themselves was to really give of themselves. 


The young women could take or leave the prayer and being part of the worshipping lives of the nuns. What they deeply needed was the love of a 'stranger' someone not compelled to love them, but someone who loved and valued them as the women they were beneath their appearances. The nuns were concerned for the who the women were becoming, they were concerned for their characters, and to encourage them to really think about what they valued. For me this is the gospel, the good news of God. The bible talks about God looking on our hearts, not being concerned about physical appearance or what others might say about a person (see 1 Samuel 16.7 or John 2.25 for example). Why is this important? Because God truly knows us. The gospel tells us that God created us as good people designed to be in relationship with God participating in the divine life where each person is valued for the unique place they have in fulness of life for all people and all creation. This fulness of life means being able to give of who you are out of love for God, love for others and love for yourself. 


The narrative of our culture which says 'give me what I want' is a narrative that consumes, not fulfils. For the young women on this programme, the gospel brought transformation, because it showed them the freedom that comes from a new narrative, a story of self-giving. A self-giving that reveals and fulfils who we are.




The series is still available here on catch up: http://www.channel5.com/show/bad-habits-holy-orders/

The God who sees me



(Photo: Steve McCurry, National Geographic)

“I feel like God has seen me.” These words were spoken to me by one of the women after the Free Range Chicks conference in November. We had had a wonderful couple of days, and it is this simple but powerful statement has stayed with me. When she said it, I thought immediately of Hagar in Genesis 16. Pregnant and alone, she has fled from abuse into the wilderness. And there, by a spring, God sends an angel to her who tells her about the son she will have, and tells her she must return to the camp. The encounter leads her to worship this God who has seen her. What an amazing thing!


Hagar was a woman, a slave, pregnant and vulnerable. Running from the people she knew, she would have had no hope for the future. It was likely that she and the baby would have been killed if they had been found, or they would’ve died in the wilderness. She was worthless in the sight of the world. But one who looks with different eyes had seen her. The God who seeks out the one missing sheep, the God who comes to seek and save the lost, this God was watching. The effect of this God seeing her, telling her He knew all about her, and giving her hope for the future was powerful. She calls God ‘the God who sees me’ or ‘who looks after me’, and wonders how she can still be alive despite having seen this God herself. An encounter with God the Almighty One should have been the final straw meaning certain death for someone who thought they were worthless, but it is the opposite. Suddenly she realises that she has value in the eyes of God. God has found her, and literally turns her life around, sending her back with purpose. When we allow ourselves to be seen by God, it opens our eyes to who we really are. God is our Creator and so understands utterly who we are. He has mercy on our failings and reveals who He has called us to be. This can and should give us the confidence to become that woman or man. It is a powerful gift to be seen for who we really are.


As we move towards Christmas in the rush of life, my prayer for you is that you will find a moment to be still. Perhaps take that moment now to pause and become aware of God with you. Become aware that this is the God who sees you. And allow that realisation to change you. The God who sees you is the one who loves you. This Christmas time this is God’s gift to you, that you are seen, really seen, by Him.

Gift

The last 3 years have been another journey of faith, living without a salary, albeit with basic living costs and academic costs paid for by the church. That in itself has been a gift, unexpectedly after 20 years of full time work being able to study full time again has been wonderful, and a real privilege that I have not taken lightly. It has also been very humbling to receive gifts from charities and individuals which have helped me buy books, go to conferences, repair my car, make pension contributions, replace worn out shoes, have little holidays and go on retreats. 

When I was properly 'living by faith' 12 years ago for the first time, it was hard to overcome my pride and accept what people wanted to give me. It was a good lesson though in learning how not to be controlled by money. Since then I've lived on a good salary and no salary, and have learnt how to be generous in different ways at different times. It still seems easier to give than receive, but learning to do both well is a spiritual discipline I think. 

Receiving God's gift of love, mercy and forgiveness is not as straightforward as it seems. Grace is hard to come to terms with, somehow we feel we need to earn these things rather than simply receive them with a grateful heart. But they are a gift, and accepting this greatest of gifts, is good training for learning how to receive and to give well in all areas of our lives.