Beacon

I couldn't help but notice the spire of St Mary's in the bright sunshine as I took my regular morning walk. Seeing it shining like a beacon at the end of the road reminded me of Matthew 5.14: "You are the light of the world - like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden". A beacon is a fire or light set up high as a warning, signal or celebration. I wonder whether our parish churches with their often prominent positions at the heart of communities are still doing those things?

Warning beacons keep people away from danger. In many ways Christianity does contain warnings about the results of a sinful life. Unfortunately this has led to Christians (often quite rightly) getting a reputation for laying down the law and being judgemental. We've forgotten that God's judgement is intimately connected to God's mercy and love, and that warning is meant to help us live more fruitful lives fulfilling God's purpose in creating us in the first place!

Signal beacons point to something that's happening. Our church communities are there to point and witness to the active work of God in a people and a place. And this should often be a cause for celebration, whenever love overcomes hate, peace overcomes fear, hope overcomes despair, justice disperses oppression; these are signs of God at work and things to be celebrated.

Kneeling

I have been thinking a lot about kneeling lately. It is something that is increasingly uncommon in the Christian circles I move in, and I've been wondering why? Kneeling down in prayer or worship is the response that we should make when we think about, and focus on, who God is and who we are in relation to God. It is right to be humble before our Creator who holds all authority. And I think it is not just right but necessary for us to kneel in prayer and worship because it helps to deal with our pride and our constant desire to be self-centred rather than God-centred.


Jesus humbled Himself and was willing to even suffer and die so that we might be lifted back up from the depths of our sin and restored to be who we were created to be. It is an extraordinary gift, and the response of a repentant and grateful heart, exalts Jesus to His rightful place. The circle of gift and response continues as we become more secure in who we are, then we can properly serve others and lift them up. Such service doesn't come from low self-esteem, or a sense of worthlessness, but of wanting to offer what we have to others, because we recognise the value in ourselves. From my experience it is easier to do this from a purer motive after I have been kneeling in prayer and worship before my Lord.


So this thought is a reminder to me to keep working on my posture! 

Fortress

Today Grandma and I went to Leeds Castle. For nearly 900 years there has been some sort of fortress or castle on the ground, for much of that time surrounded by a river or moat. Getting a wheelchair in over the cobblestones was not the most straightforward access, but somewhat easier than having to swim the moat whilst being shot at! You feel very secure in a place like that, thick walls bedded down into the moat, huge solid wooden doors and a sense of being surrounded and protected.


Proverbs 18.10 says: "The name of the LORD is a fortified tower; the righteous run to it and are safe." It seems a strange thing to say that a name can be a place of safety, but the name of the LORD, the name of YHWH, is a way of describing all the attributes of God. So it is a way of saying that this is who God is and because God is totally faithful, just, true, loving, merciful, powerful etc etc then being with God is a totally safe place. It doesn't mean that bad things won't happen but there is an ultimate sense of security of dwelling with the one who knows the end from the beginning.

Grandma

I'm spending a few days with my Grandma at the moment, at the grand age of 95 she seems to have grasped the concept of 'selfie' rather well! It's lovely spending time together and enjoying each others company. When I talk to her about her life, it is always staggering to think about the changes that she has seen over her lifetime. Born in 1920, with very fixed expectations of what life would be like, things got turned upside-down with WWII and the extraordinary technical developments since then. I wonder whether another generation will ever see as much change as hers has?


She is very proud of me, and I of her. All the opportunities I have had to be well educated, independent as a single woman, to have a career and to travel were just not available to her. Leaving school at 14 with an education suited to domestic service and housekeeping, nevertheless she has worked extremely hard, loved and cared for so many, and continues to have a most wonderful contentment even in the midst of living with a body that will no longer do what her mind wants it to. She has adapted to all sorts of changes, and has a remarkable memory for the details of life. She is truly an inspirational woman and I feel very fortunate to have got to know her and spend so much time with her as an adult. Love you Grandma!

London

I love London! Having grown up and easy train ride away, it was wonderful as a child to go up to London and have allsorts of adventures and visit interesting places. I then worked there at three different times with different jobs and lived there for a couple of years, but it has never lost that sense of being a special place. I was thinking about that tonight as I popped up there for the evening, seeing the 'sights' still feels exciting.


There are several places that I have gone back to regularly over a long period of time, and they become memory stores, and markers on the journey of life. In 1Samuel 7.12, Samuel sets up a stone to mark the way that God had helped Israel. The Ebenezer - stone of help, or stone of the helper - was placed to act as a memory jogger for Israel about who God is and how God had helped them. It is good to have those memorials in our lives, to remember the times when God has helped us, and to revisit them and remember God's faithfulness. It is also a marker - this is how far we have come, and it also points to hope for the journey ahead.

Clothes

Now anyone who knows me knows that I don't really do clothes shopping. Clothes are pretty much just functional things for me - buy them, wear them until they fall apart then buy something similar to replace them. And I strongly suspect that I have never been overcome enough by an item of clothing or even shoes to the point that I must have it in my wardrobe. (The possible exception is a cowboy shirt I had as a little girl which still holds a special place in my heart...) As a result my imminent ordination and resulting necessity to buy new clothes - the 'uniform' for my new job if you like - has not been filling me with joy!


Today was the first day that the clergy clothes people have come to college this year. For the last two years I have happily walked on by, but today it was 'trying on' day. It is a slightly odd experience seeing yourself in a dog collar for the first time. Interestingly it didn't provoke such a strong reaction in me as the first time I put a cassock on in my first year and had a bit of an identity crisis. This time it felt more normal which is a good thing. I am sure no-one ever feels ready to be ordained but I've done enough of the things I will be doing that I can imagine myself in the role a bit more clearly now. Nevertheless it is strange seeing yourself dressed as a priest. I guess in a way you dress for the role, much as you feel more professional in a suit than in sports clothes, and so the clothes are a way of occupying that space. That probably means that I need to pay a bit more attention to clothes in the next little while - may be no bad thing!



Sunlight

It's lovely now that the sun is up around the time I'm waking up, feels easier to get up and I've been enjoying the sun on my morning walk. This was my view this morning as I headed up the hill, glorious with the sun bursting through the trees.

I'm glad to be in the habit of a walk in the morning before chapel. I had had many years of walking to work before I came to college and really valued that time to walk and pray. I think I'm definitely an active pray-er, it always seems easier to chatter to God walking along than sitting down when my thoughts seem to drift off more easily. Living in college, it's a real discipline to get out for a walk each day, and if I don't do it, several days without going off campus can quickly pass by. So I'm thankful for the sunshine in the mornings giving an added incentive to get going, and looking forward to 4 months of lengthening days.