The last 3 years have been another journey of faith, living without a salary, albeit with basic living costs and academic costs paid for by the church. That in itself has been a gift, unexpectedly after 20 years of full time work being able to study full time again has been wonderful, and a real privilege that I have not taken lightly. It has also been very humbling to receive gifts from charities and individuals which have helped me buy books, go to conferences, repair my car, make pension contributions, replace worn out shoes, have little holidays and go on retreats.
When I was properly 'living by faith' 12 years ago for the first time, it was hard to overcome my pride and accept what people wanted to give me. It was a good lesson though in learning how not to be controlled by money. Since then I've lived on a good salary and no salary, and have learnt how to be generous in different ways at different times. It still seems easier to give than receive, but learning to do both well is a spiritual discipline I think.
Receiving God's gift of love, mercy and forgiveness is not as straightforward as it seems. Grace is hard to come to terms with, somehow we feel we need to earn these things rather than simply receive them with a grateful heart. But they are a gift, and accepting this greatest of gifts, is good training for learning how to receive and to give well in all areas of our lives.
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